What interested me a lot in Pablo's theory classes was the theme of motherhood. I found Carmen Winant's depiction of pregnancy and childbirth eye opening. I started my research by investigating how celebrities and influencers represent pregnancy on Instagram. I made these illustrations of photos found. I titled these series "The Performance of Pregnancy.'' Being pregnant on instagram is almost like a performance. These women I illustrated are making there pregnancy a spectacle. They wear revealing clothes, look beautiful and share their happiness. It also reminds me of Beyoncé's famous pregnancy announcement photoshoot. In a lot of cases pregnancy is to be celebrated, so I fully support these women showing off.

But these representations do give me the idea that pregnancy is something perfect and pure, with no pain, stress or insecurities.

Comparing this representation to Carmen Winant's work "My Birth" creates a big contrast. Carmen Winant shows explicit photos of birth and asked questions such as "Did you shit? Were you cut open?"

For the practice research I am looking into the cinema Kino with Honey, and I was struggling a bit in how to link my interest in motherhood to the cinema. I decided to first ask the questions if films have a gender and I wanted to do research into action films, because I like action films, but often feel conflicted by how women are represented as the films are most often male-dominated: a male lead, directed by men and made for men. Women are often "the damsel in distress" and used as a prop of decoration in the background.

I then thought of the action film Tenet (Christopher Nolan, 2020). In this film the theme of motherhood is present. The main female character is a mother, and she is only a mother to give emotional substance to this film.

Mindmaps about action films and the film Tenet

Illustrations of the character I want to focus on in my essay, Kat. She is one of the few female characters. She is in an abusive marriage with the films' main antagonist, Sator (who wants to end the world). She is a mother, and only a mother. We are expected to blindly believe a mother's connection her with son, while seeing his face only once. Kat's character and motherhood is failed attempt to put warmth and emotion in this film. She is exceptionally tall and towers over the men who use and abuse her. When the male protagonist gets attacked, he has a cool fight scene. When Kat is attacked by her husband, she lies defencelessly on the floor, why doesn't she get up and fight? She is a prop, used by the director to pour emotion into this film, used by the male characters to get in touch with other men.

After getting feedback from Pablo, I decided to broaden my research to women's role in action films, not only focusing on Tenet, as this was too limiting.

Focusing on female directors, how do they change film? Looking at the character of Harley Quinn in two DC films, one directed by a man and the following by a woman. Birds of Prey feels liberating, does not sexualise women, goes against the male gaze.

Interesting quote. Why do I love seeing female killers on screen while I am against violence?

“That’s what happens when you have a female producer, director, writer.” Erin Benach, costume designer of the film said to Vogue. “Yeah, it’s definitely less male gaze-y,” Robbie commented.

For my final essay, I decided to narrow my research down to the film American Psycho. after seeing the film in Kino, I overheard two women's conversation about the fact that the film was directed by a woman. They were very surprised by this being a female-directed film. I realised, I was also surprised, but also glad a woman directed this film. In my essay, I will research the gaze of female directors while analysing my own bias.